puffing: (Default)
𝐁𝐈𝐆. 𝐁. 𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅. ([personal profile] puffing) wrote2017-09-08 01:31 am

ic inbox (el nysa)



This is Bigby. Don't bother me unless it's good. I fucking hate listening to messages.

originallutece: maybe i've just got resting bitch face (talk; maybe i'm mad maybe i'm sad)

[personal profile] originallutece 2018-04-16 06:26 am (UTC)(link)
[There's a small part of her, cowardly and selfish, that wants to push him away. It tells her that she could tip her head up and catch his mouth in a kiss that would be more desperate than hungry, and more likely than not if she was persistent she'd get her way. Maybe they'd fuck and maybe he'd push her away, but surely he wouldn't pursue the issue afterwards. They'd fall asleep in uneasy silence, and she'd feel sick, but then dawn would come and when it did she could successfully pretend as if everything was fine.

And eventually, surely, surely, everything would be fine.

Surely, and yet right now, she isn't so sure about that. She thinks that perhaps this state of being will last forever, because how could it not? How can everything go back to the way it was after all that?

She remembers going to the sea once, back when she was a girl. She'd gone too far into the water, brash and eager to explore, and before her nanny could call her back, there'd been a wave that had knocked her silly. She'd spun wildly beneath the surface, heels over head, and for a dizzying few seconds she quite literally hadn't known which way was up.

She feels like that now. Like she's been knocked over the head, like there's dark water all around and she's no idea how to even begin to free herself. Every movement she makes, every word she speaks, feels like an act; a puppet or a shadow of herself mouthing the words and performing the acts. Her pride is broken, her normal confidence shattered. Each action she takes has a tone of uncertainty to it, because of course it was her brash pride that had led her to ruin. So what is she to do if not act in such a way?

So she's been a shadow. She's kept to herself, she's not spoken of it to anyone. And now they're here, he's here, and it's dark and he's warm and larger than her and so achingly safe, and it's all she can do not to burrow beneath him and beg him not to let her go.

Pathetic. Pathetic, and she hates herself for feeling such things, but still she does.]


You've lived for so long you can't even remember your age. And I imagine, based on who and what you are, that you have been in so many fights that they've become similarly innumerable.

[It's hard to force the words forward. They stick in her throat, desperate not to be said, because that means she's committing to this.]

But there must have been some that you lost. And I wanted to know if there were any that you-- that you not simply lost, but were utterly outmatched. If, in your long life, you had ever once come close to dying.